The guys join together in celebration over Chad’s elimination by ceremoniously scattering his remaining protein powder across the resort grounds.
Of course, the Chad wolf comes back, but not by popular demand.
Chad: Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!
Guys: Not by the hair on my — eh, ok.
Jordan gives Chad the chance to clear the air and apologize before he leaves. Chad regrets none of his actions, and he would’ve gotten away with them, too, if it weren’t for those meddling men (hello, Scooby-Doo).
Evan: “Do you have your wallet? You owe me a shirt.”
BRO, GIVE IT UP. Here’s hoping Evan’s next on the chopping block.
Everyone returns to panic mode about where they stand with JoJo. Those who are on the bubble are taking the time they COULD be spending with JoJo to complain about the men with roses who are doing exactly what they should be doing. Did you get that?
JoJo gives the axe to James F. and Daniel the Canadian. Next destination: Uruguay!
When Jordan is announced as JoJo’s first one-on-one this week, the others immediately deem him public enemy #2.
BREAKING NEWS: Wells ~casually~ stumbles upon a collection of tabloid magazines containing harrowing details from JoJo’s ex — the OG Chad — about his and JoJo’s relationship. More to come on this latest emotional chaos.
On their date, JoJo reveals to Jordan that she “ran into his ex in Dallas,” who told JoJo that Jordan was anything but Boyfriend of the Year.
JoJo: “Was there cheating?”
Jordan: “I was immature. There were trust issues, not from physically cheating, but from being an environment where I enjoyed talking to girls when I probably shouldn’t have been.”
Jordan now knows the kind of man he is, which is a mature, grown-ass, non-emotional cheater. Glad we could clear this up. *Cue rose*
BACK AT THE HOTEL
JoJo: La, la, la. I’m so happy. Nothing can ruin this night for me.
Producers: Not to rain on your parade or anything, but here are a few magazines in which OG Chad airs your dirty laundry for the world to see. BTW, the guys have seen them.
JoJo: Producers, say whaaa?
Hell hath no fury like a JoJo scorned. JoJo justifiably loses her shit and bursts into tears over OG Chad’s lies. She does the right thing by going straight to the guys and explaining her turbulent past with OG Chad. She reassures them that there is nothing to worry about, and the guys immediately console her and tell her they trust her.
Following the aftermath of Hurricane Chad, JoJo takes Luke, Derek, Chase, Evan, James T., Vinny, Grant, Wells, Alex on an extremely laid-back and uneventful group date: sandboarding.
Derek: I hate seeing her with other guys. Does it make me jealous? Yeah, a little bit.
Good thing you signed up for a show whose very premise involves multiple suitors competing for the heart of one woman!!
At night, Derek tells JoJo he’s nervous about falling behind in their relationship.
Alex: “Everyone here thinks Derek is a good guy, but I don’t like the guy. He’s a very calculated person and jealous person, and he is giving off this vibe of insecurity, and I hate it.”
You literally have a bone to pick with everyone. GROW UP.
JoJo gives her group date rose to Derek for his reassurance, meaning we now have to listen to Alex whine about it for the rest of the episode. Ugh.
JoJo takes Robby out for a fun day in Punta del Este. They eat some food, see some sights, and jump off a cliff together. Good thing Robby was an Olympic swimmer.
Meanwhile, the guys are scratching their balls over the fact that Derek received the group date rose. Alex prods Derek for information on his conversation with JoJo and continues bitching about the word “reassurance.”
Derek: “Lately, it feels so much like a frat house to me…I’m just not that fraternity kind of guy.”
This is ironic coming from someone wearing an American flag shirt with a frocket.
At dinner, Robby tells JoJo his best friend died in a car accident while texting his girlfriend to let her know he was on his way home. Even sadder, he had just asked his girlfriend’s parents for their blessing to propose. The tragedy became the impetus for Robby’s “life’s too short” approach to life. Alas, he confesses to JoJo that he’s falling in love with her. This, along with their strengthening connection, prompts JoJo to give him a rose.
The guys and their sullen faces make their way to the cocktail party in stormy weather (OOH, OOH, FORESHADOWING!!).
Derek wants to speak with Robby, Chase, Alex, and Jordan in what becomes a crucial moment of Mean Girls 3.
Evan: “Time is valuable, everybody’s on edge, and he decides to talk to them NOW? Like, that’s ridiculous. You don’t do that.”
You know what else is ridiculous that you shouldn’t do? GIVING JOJO AN ULTIMATUM.
Derek calls the guys out on their high school cliquishness. Jordan, the Queen Bee, scoffs at the accusation and finds it petty and unnecessary given the evening’s focus should be on the guys’ relationships with JoJo. The others chime in with similar sentiments because that’s what followers do.
Just as it begins to thunder, Chris Harrison reveals they are skipping the cocktail party and going straight to the rose ceremony. DUN DUN DUN.
JoJo says a sad goodbye to Vinny, Grant, Evan, and Evan’s ripped shirt.