ROSE CEREMONY (continued)
We last left JoJo feeling 50 shades of confused after Luke unexpectedly pulled her aside to declare his love for her. Unfortunately…
JoJo sticks to her decision, leaving Luke blindsided and dejected. I can hear is heart breaking through the TV.
JoJo: “This hurts me so much. I don’t even know how to explain this.”
Yes, because this moment is totally about you right now.
JoJo tells Luke that over time, she struggled with knowing where he stood, leaving Luke regretful for not saying enough. JoJo cries and hugs him as he looks on in shock, as if someone spoiled Game of Thrones for him.
JoJo and Luke admit they already miss each other. In the limo, Luke says he was in love with JoJo, but he never got the chance to love her. All we can do now is hope he’ll be the next Bachelor.
Next up, we’re heading to Thailand with JoJo, Robby, Chase and Jordan to reunite with our dear old friend — the fantasy suite.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE WITH ROBBY
Robby and JoJo embrace the stormy weather by getting foot rubs, which makes me wonder if Robby is a low-key pedicure lover (wouldn’t put it past him).
Robby: “I’ve been honest with you since day one, and the perfect example of that is Uruguay, when I told you I loved you. That was me being honest. If I didn’t, it would’ve been lying.”
We get it, you passed all of your first-grade vocabulary tests.
Robby: “I’m head over heels for Joelle.”
Oooh, he’s using real names now. His feelings MUST be true.
At dinner, Robby tells JoJo that during is time at home, his dad happened to “slip a note inside his jeans pocket” without his knowledge. Nothing solidifies a man’s love for a woman quite like a father acknowledging his son’s happiness with said woman on a piece of paper.
JoJo: “Robby continues to tell me how much he loves me. He has offered me his trust.”
Except the more he says it, the less convincing it sounds.
JoJo gives the first fantasy suite card to Robby, who willingly forgoes his individual room to get it on…I mean, spend the night with JoJo.
Robby: “I don’t have dream about JoJo anymore; I get to dream with JoJo…and get to know the Joelle I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
Back at it again with the “Joelle.” Also, can I vomit now?
ONE-ON-ONE DATE WITH JORDAN
Unlike JoJo’s date with Robby, there is not a cloud in the sky during her time with Jordan…foreshadowing at its finest. The lovebirds hike up a mountain that leads them to a cave housing a temple with a firm no-kissing rule. JoJo is somewhat OK with this rule, because while she shares an undeniable physical chemistry with Jordan, she needs to connect with him on an emotional level. Good thing she realizes this NOW, with only THREE GUYS left!!!
JoJo then brings up her family to Jordan, who imagines looking longingly into his future wife’s dad in the eyes and he just know that Jordan is going to be the right man for his daughter. He hopes he can get close to that with JoJo. You mean you aren’t already?! What are you even still doing here?!
JoJo continues to fear that Jordan can’t commit to forever, yet she kicked Luke — who was more than ready to propose — to the curb in favor of riding the emotional struggle bus.
At night, talk turns to the future when JoJo asks Jordan what the next year looks like for him.
Jordan: “Um, that’s a tough question to answer. It kind of depends. I don’t know what it’s going to look like.”
Bro, wrong answer.
Jordan: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
JoJo: “Eh, that’s what Ben said.”
JoJo asks Jordan how he knows he’s in love with her, and he can barely muster up a B+ response.
Jordan: “I have a feeling, when I’m with you, that I’ve never had before. And I’m a different person now than I was when I thought I was in love, and I thought that that was it.”
Did you hear that? He has a “feeling.” And guess what? JoJo is STILL falling for it!
JoJo: “What are you thinking after last night?”
Jordan: “It was exactly everything I needed.”
JoJo: “Thank you for everything.” –> Thank you for being as good as you were in my head!
Once JoJo leaves…
JoJo: “Loving two guys at the same time, I don’t know what to do.”
LOL, way to forget about Chase.
ONE-ON-ONE DATE WITH CHASE
JoJo and Chase have a fun day gallivanting around Thailand, from Chase kissing a fish to making out with JoJo on a boat ride that brings them to a beach, where the two rekindle their hot-yoga-date sparks with a straddling session in the ocean.
Chase: “We’re in this magical place with monkeys, and fisherman, and saltwater and fish. Today’s amazing.”
Great job at describing your surroundings! We certainly didn’t notice that ourselves!
Prior to her evening with Chase, Robby surprises JoJo because he can’t eat, sleep or breathe without thinking about her. Furthermore, he’s ready to be her husband, complete with “country clubs and coloring books.”
Later on, Chase tells JoJo he wants a future with her, and to “smear her lipstick” (HOT DAMN). JoJo hands him the fantasy suite key, which he happily accepts. In the fantasy suite, Chase says he’s 100% in love with JoJo, and he’s ready to “carry the burden of that phrase” for her. JoJo realizes she doesn’t feel how she thought she was going to feel after his confession. She briefly excuses herself from the room to collect her thoughts…oh, no.
JoJo returns to Chase to tell him that she isn’t in the same place as him and feels that spending the night together would be unfair to him. Chase immediately turns cold toward JoJo (rightfully so) and chugs the hell out of his wine.
Chase: “I just jumped over a hurdle that I’ve never done before, and now I’m just skewered. Now I’m shattered…So now love equals get the f*** out…You didn’t give it a chance. What was missing?”
JoJo says she didn’t want to blindside him like Ben did to her, but Chase says she already did. Here come the waterworks.
JoJo: “I’m sick to my stomach, and I care so much about you, and I wanted to fall in love with you. You have done everything right.”
Again, this is not about you, and you should probably stop talking about how amazing he is.
Chase walks away from JoJo, who chases him down. She doesn’t want him to leave feeling that their breakup will be the last thought of their time together. Chase can’t see how it won’t be, and he heads into the van feeling embarrassed and heartbroken.
Robby arrives to the rose ceremony wearing white pants tighter than a Real Housewife’s face after numerous Botox injections.
Before JoJo hands Robby and Jordan their roses, Chase makes an astonishing appearance looking hotter than JoJo’s final two COMBINED. He tells JoJo he wants to end their relationship on a good note. He tells her he’s proud of her and that he isn’t mad at her. He still loves her, going so far as to say that if her heart is open down the road, to let him know. AWWW. Love you, Chase.
Basically, letting Luke and Chase go — the two men who left JoJo with zero doubts about their love and commitment to her — makes JoJo’s final two that much worse.