This week, Ben took his remaining 11 suitors south of the border to Mexico City. I’m not even going to bother saying “on this dramatic episode of The Bachelor” because every damn episode is dramatic AF. Welcome to the world of reality TV, kids.
BEFORE THE FIRST DATE CARD
Now that Twin #1 (Haley) is gone, Twin #2 (Emily) feels like nothing is holding her back from progressing in her relationship with Ben. *Cue Samantha Jones* “I love you, sis, but I love me more.”
Olivia is still under the ridiculous delusion that she and Ben share a clandestine “love language.” Liv, maybe you should quit eating Cuckoo Puffs for breakfast because a leg rub and a squeeze hug AIN’T NO THANG, GIRLFRIEND.
The first date card reveals soft-spoken single mom, Amanda, to be Ben’s first one-on-one this week. Ben decides to wake Amanda up from a peaceful slumber by entering the girls’ suite before the crack of dawn. Of course, this involves Ben waking all of the ladies in their natural, makeup-free, sleep-disheveled states. THE HORROR!
Lauren H. jumps up out of bed, living every girl’s worst nightmare of being found wearing her retainer by her romantic interest.
I give Jubilee major props for sharing a bed with Olivia. It’s bad enough listening to Olivia shoot her mouth off 24/7. I can only envision waking up to her standing over me with a knife in hand and a grin akin to that of Jack Nicholson’s in The Shining. The resemblance is uncanny.
Of course, in what I suspect was all part of some producer mediation, Amanda wakes up #FLAWLESS, which might explain why Ben only gives her 15 minutes to get ready.
NOW, for the date, Ben takes Amanda on a hot air balloon ride over an ancient city whose name is a struggle to pronounce (Teotihuacan, if you want to give it a try).
1) What is with all of these airborne dates? Helicopters, airplanes, now hot air balloons? I think it’s time to spice things up with a little on-land action, Ben. You can’t get a true feel for a city if you’re constantly sky high.
2) Is anyone else reminded of Moody’s Point from The Amanda Show when they think of hot air balloons? Nah? Just me? Okay.
Amanda: “Seeing all the pyramids is so romantic.” You know what else is romantic? Sharing a plate of spaghetti.
Meanwhile, back at the Four Seasons Hotel, the girls receive their group date card.
Olivia (on getting a one-on-one): “It’s not even a want anymore, it’s like a need.” Guess what, Olivia? We don’t want you to GTFO anymore; we NEED you to GTFO.
At night, Amanda gets real with Ben about her marriage to the uninvolved, cheating scumbag who fathered her two precious daughters. Her candor goes miles with Ben, who reassures Amanda that she shouldn’t feel like a failure in her marriage.
Ben: “It breaks my heart to think that, like, somebody out there wouldn’t wrap you up, or wrap your daughters up and love on you in those moments. How can I not sit here and look at you and just be like, you’re incredible?” – PROOF that Ben is going to be an amazing husband and father. If you need a refresher, refer back to Kaitlyn’s season when Ben expertly explained to a group of youngins’ how babies are made.
Ben takes the girls on a minor detour to Spanish class to learn a little español before heading out on part two of the date. Bonus points to Ben for his efforts to immerse the girls in another country’s culture.
Jubilee is having none of it, going so far as to throw shade at Ben for repeating the same phrases, “I’m falling in love with you” and “I want to kiss you” in Spanish to the other girls. AKA: foreshadowing the highly anticipated confrontation between the two later on.
Olivia: “There was some electricitayyy between Ben and I when we were speaking sweet nothings to each other.” Keyword: nothings.
The group date then continues at a restaurant called Carbon, where the girls get to try their hands at cooking authentic Mexican food (the dream, TBH). What better way to show you’re wife material than to engage in a cook-off to prove whose cooking skills are better??? Hopefully these girls learned a little something in class today, because all of the ingredients are in Spanish.
Everyone pairs off, with Olivia (surprise, surprise) claiming Ben as her partner.
Olivia: “I think the girls have a problem with the way I do things, but I don’t care.” Really? We haven’t noticed.
In what is probably another blow to Olivia’s oversized ego, Lauren B. and Jubilee’s dish wins!
Dear ol’ Liv wastes no time in snatching Ben for a little one-on-one time after rudely interrupting him.
Jubilee: “It’s definitely hard seeing him reach for a different hand and every time it’s not mine.” Except later when he tries to hold your hand, YOU PULL AWAY!! Get your feelings in order, girl.
Lauren B. and Ben are for sure heating up. I definitely see her finding a place in Ben’s final four.
Ben: “It’s crazy to me ‘cause like, it’s a very uncommon feeling for me to leave a date, which I felt with you, and just never wanted it to end.”
Lauren: “Thank you.”
Ben: “No, thank you, seriously.”
^^Love you, Ben, but this might be your cheesiest moment to date. Tone it down a notch.
Ben finally speaks with Jubilee and tells her he feels she’s pulling back. Her inability to deal with her feelings has thrown a wrench in their relationship, just as he has been making greater progress with some of the other girls. He tells her it would be unfair her to keep her around, and with that, he sends her packing.
Once again, after Jubilee thanks him, he replies, “No, thank you.” WHY MUST YOU BE SO CUTE YET SO CORNY?
Bombshell of the evening: Ben gives the rose to Olivia, and everyone is HELLA pissed. Death glares all around.
Ben: “Goodnight, sleep tight.” Hate to break it to you, Ben, but after that stunt, that’s not going to happen for anyone.
Lauren H. gets to experience Mexican Fashion Week with Ben on her one-on-one this week. So fun because both of them have the opportunity to walk in a fashion show!
Ben: “What most people don’t know about Mexico City is that it is known for its fashion.” Umm…you sure?
At night, Lauren H. reveals a similar fate as Amanda, having been cheated on by her boyfriend of four years. Having shown both her fun and goofy and serious sides, Lauren H. moved herself out of the friend zone and into Ben’s heart. Kudos to you, girl! The Laurens are officially killing it.
PRE-ROSE CEREMONY COCKTAIL PARTY
Olivia (to Amanda). “I feel like it’s an episode of Teen Mom that I watch.” *Cue jaw drop from every young mother and decent person in America*
Then, she has the audacity to plaster on some inauthentic tears and proclaim that she’s “trying.” Trying what, exactly? If the answer is trying not to be a pathologically narcissistic bitch, you’re doing a bang-up job.
After deciding enough is enough, Emily takes on the task of revealing her misgivings about Olivia to Ben. Unfortunately, the Devil herself swoops in at the perfect time to quell any negative sentiments against her (or so she thought).
Olivia tries to impress Ben with a little gesture of her own by offering him a ring, to which he replies, “Oh,” with an uncomfortable chuckle. Ben then begins to question Olivia about her relationships with the other girls, and she fails to put on a solid performance, leaving him to wonder if the girl he thought he knew isn’t who she really appears to be. *GASP*
Ben does some detective work to get to the bottom of the situation and learns of everyone’s reservations about Olivia.
And of course, in classic Bachelor fashion, the episode ends with Ben stalling the rose ceremony and pulling Olivia aside. Does Ben revoke her rose and finally give her the boot?? If so, a celebration is in order. Stay tuned for next week’s episode to find out.