This week’s Bachelor begins by providing us with answers to last week’s pre-rose ceremony cliffhanger, as Ben took Olivia aside and kept all of Bachelor Nation on our toes. Here’s hoping he finally sees through her charade and gives her the much-needed boot she deserves.
Olivia unsurprisingly defends her inability to connect with the other girls with tears and words fake enough to impress Regina George.
Olivia: “I like reading books in my room, and, like, you know, thinking, and that’s what I do. And I want to talk…smart things.” Bravo. You definitely convinced Ben of your high IQ with that line!!!
Of course, Crazy and her cankles get to stay. SMH.
During the rose ceremony, Ben says goodbye to Jennifer.
Next stop: The Bahamas.
Caila gets her second one-on-one date with Ben, leaving Leah (a.k.a. the current star of “Who’s That Chick?”) supremely pissed that she hasn’t received any one-on-one time with Ben yet. More on this later.
Ben switches things up with water transportation this time around and takes Caila deep-sea fishing.
Their dinner conversation culminates in a series of WTF moments, when Ben asks Caila if there is more emotion and depth to her than meets her smiley exterior.
Caila: “You are doing everything you possibly can to have me open up, and for me right now, I feel like I love you. But I don’t know why I can’t…share…maybe it’s just that I’m not ready?” You think this makes no sense? Just wait…
Caila: “And part of me is afraid because your greatest fear is being unlovable, and my greatest fear might be breaking your heart.” Ben and I shared the same quizzical look in response, which obviously means we are soulmates. Isn’t that right, Olivia??
Back at the hotel, Emily and Olivia find out they are going on the two-on-one date. Yikes.
Olivia: “Emily’s just…she’s young. I mean, she’s like a bird, like I don’t even give a f***.” You really do have a way with words.
Returning to the date, Caila admits to Ben why she’s falling for him (because she feels understood). Ben finds her confusing side attractive. He gives her the rose, and they both live confusedly ever after.
They’re on a boat and, it’s going fast and…hold up, swimming pigs?!
Actually though, pigs treading water is easily the highlight of this episode. Dolphins have new competition.
After playing with the pigs, everyone gets quiet and silently frolics in the ocean. Oh, and Ben somehow thinks Jojo is the only one who understands the awkwardness of group dates.
Jojo: “I think everyone struggles with it though. I don’t think it’s just me. I think that you might be struggling with it as well.”
Leah gets sassy with Ben.
Ben: Do you like pigs?
Leah: “I like pigs. I like to eat pigs.” Just because they’re pigs doesn’t mean they can’t hear you, Leah.
Then, she proceeds to throw shade and tears at Ben for not giving her a one-on-one date and making her feel like a “group-date groupie.” Ben tries to calm her down and asks her to make the “most of today,” as if saying that is really going to eliminate her frustration.
LEAH VS. LAUREN B.
Desperate times call for ridiculous measures. Leah worries she’ll be sent home, so she channels her inner villain in trying to hold onto any glistening hope of a connection with Ben by accusing Lauren B., Ben’s strongest connection to date, of not being genuine. At this point, I feel like I’m watching Mean Girls.
Leah: “Some people are just different in the house than they are towards you, and I don’t like drama and I don’t want to say names, but I think it’s the one person you have the strongest connection with: Lauren B.” You don’t like drama, yet you are creating a conflict out of thin air. Makes a lot of sense.
Ben relays this information back to Lauren B., who defends being nothing but her true self the whole time and gets upset over the accusation.
Even worse, Leah plays dumb and, with cold, empty eyes, denies having said anything to Ben.
In light of what just happened, Ben gives Amanda the group date rose, with Lauren B. still clearly devastated. Give a girl a break, dude.
Leah attempts one final gesture to win Ben’s heart, with her plan to throw Lauren B. under the bus still in motion.
Leah: “I’m not here to sabotage what you have with somebody…” BUT BASICALLY, I AM.
Alas, it did not work. Ben finds something lacking in their relationship and sends her packing. Good riddance. No one puts Lauren B. in a corner.
Emily and Olivia are ready to duke it out for Ben’s rose and affections. Let the awkwardness ensue!
Night before the the date…
Olivia: “Emily and I are the same age, and I’m going to feel like her mom tomorrow, like babysitting my daughter.” Says the girl who likes to “talk smart things.”
On the date…
Ben steals Olivia away first, who proceeds to talk about herself with a self-boasting monologue. Shocking. Also, the following sentence actually came out of her mouth.
Olivia: “Deep, intellectual things are just my jam.” Seriously, WHO gave you your degree in broadcast journalism?
She then confesses her love for Ben, who could do nothing but stare at the ground.
Now, for Emily’s turn.
Emily: “I just want you to know, I want to be here. I want this, and I want to be here more than you know, more than I’ve expressed, more than I’ve been able to express, and I know that I have a lot of growth and stuff in front of me, but I want you to experience that with me.” I think everyone should be required to take a crash course in the English language before being admitted onto this show.
Olivia: “He’s given me more validation than anybody here. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m coming home with a rose tonight.” Not so fast, drama-mama.
Ben takes Olivia on a little stroll, rose in hand. He tells her something along the lines of, “Today, you spoke from your heart, but I don’t think I can reciprocate those feelings.” Yes, in a shocking twist of events, Ben walks away from Olivia, leaving her and all of his thoughts about her on the island (Lizzie McGuire Movie reference, anyone?). I’d kind of feel bad for her if she weren’t so smug all the time, but that’s the price you pay for being the worst.
Emily receives the rose, and she and Ben boat back to the hotel for the rose ceremony.
Ben wastes no time in his decision, canceling the cocktail party and jumping right into the ceremony.
Lauren H. gets sent home, leaving Becca, Jojo, Lauren B., Caila, Amanda, and Emily as Ben’s remaining six.
While all of the liars and the crazies have officially left the building (so we hope), there are copious amounts of drama in store for the rest of this season.