It has certainly been some time since I last splattered my words and thoughts onto this blog (the break was much-needed). Here we are, six months later, not only ushering in a new year, but a new decade. If I could sum up my last 10 years in one phrase, it would be, “under construction”.
Remember in The Holiday (the best holiday rom-com of all time, don’t fight me on it), when Arthur and Iris have the difficult, but ultimately, epiphany-inducing conversation about being the best friend/leading lady of your own life? I spent a good part of the past decade acting like the best friend. I let myself feel second-rate in a lot of ways, especially in my friendships. Above all, though, I continuously put myself down, getting tangled in a web of self-esteem issues so great, that I neglected to see what was right in front of me the whole time: ME.
The moment I declared I was moving to New York, was the moment I became the leading lady of my life. I started to break down the barriers I, myself, had created. I shared an apartment with my sister for three years, becoming closer with her now more than ever. I fell in love with the man I now live with. I have a job I thoroughly enjoy. I have expelled toxic people from my peripheral vision, only to focus on the friendships that matter and persist to this day. I am happier than ever, because I’ve strengthened the belief in myself.
Getting to a place of comfort hasn’t been simple, but I think what’s really done the trick is expanding my palate of hobbies and activities. Since moving in with Jacob, I’ve consistently gone to the gym 4-5 times per week, and it’s radically transformed me physically and mentally. I read close to 3-4 books per month, and have been since I got my library card right before the start of 2019. Jacob and I have hosted friends at our place several times already, because we share a deep love of bringing people together. Volunteering and giving back has remained a constant in my weekend routines, as well. Overall, I have discovered that the key to pure, unadulterated happiness, is to surround yourself with the right humans, the right attitude, and the right zest for life.
Now, in 2020 and beyond, I hope to be less of a planner, and more of a doer. I am going to be more positively impulsive. I am going to wake up one morning and book a trip somewhere for a weekend just because I feel like it. I am going to get back to my roots and contribute more to this blog. It is time to change, “I want do something” to, “I am going to do something”. I am ready to put on my construction hat, grab my toolbox, and get to building, because life is truly a magical thing, when you decide to knock down your walls.
Photography: Jacob Goldberg and David Bayas
Leave a Reply